Be very very careful about getting into someone else’s business.
And be very very careful about whom you let into your business.
When we are involved in someone else’s business, we are not living in our own space… we are living and acting and reacting from theirs. When we analyze others’ issues, we are not living in our own business. We are distracting ourselves with their business (many times because we don’t want to deal with what’s in our own lives). *that was tough to say, but I had to both say it and own it.*
What we need (and what we need to become for another) is a “Support Partner“. We don’t need 20 of them; only one or two close friends that we can exchange with in a non-analytical and non-judgmental way.
Let me tell you what “support partner” is.
1. A support partner is fully present with you, listens to you objectively and without judgment, and holds supportive emotional space for you.
2. A support partner has an agreement with you around these clear and loving boundaries and roles, and does not deviate from them.
3. A support partner keeps your personal life private. Period. Period.
4. A support partner comforts you and allows you to have your feelings without “fanning emotional flames”. You probably shouldn’t select them as support partners if they tend to say, “Hell yeah, let’s go cut his tires!”, okay? Those friends are fun, but they’re not who we are talking about here.
5. A support partner knows that YOU know it is your responsibility to make decisions and changes in your life. Therefore, it is not your support partner’s job to tell you what to do, to tell you that your life sucks and here’s how to fix it, etc.
6. This is not a club to join. This is a relationship with one person. I mean it. The more ain’t merrier with this relationship.
Here’s how to develop an awesome Support Partner relationship:
1. Connect with your friend *you know, the one you trust to be non judgmental, is compassionate, and knows how to keep her mouth shut and her comments to herself. yeah, that one.*
2. Talk to that person about what a Support Partner is and extend an invitation to be in a supportive relationship with you. When your partner is in need, you get the call/text/email asking for a chat time. When you are in need, you send a call/text/email asking for a chat time.
3. Schedule the time… it can be immediately… but it can ONLY be when the support partner is in an emotional space where he or she can be fully present with you. Most often, that will not be immediately. Therefore, a support partner does not have a revolving door. Respect each other’s time and schedules for the best possible relationship.
And, my dear, until you can give this courtesy in return, please don’t initiate this relationship with another.
I have a handful of friends whom I trust so much that, if any one of them called me and said, “I’m at (place), I need you now,” and hung up the phone, I would be there immediately. And I would know that they would never do that to me unless they absolutely needed my physical presence. I could do the same to any of them and the exact same thing would happen. And one of mine lives over 10 hours from me. We have that level of trust in each other.
That is what a Support Partner relationship develops into.
I give the deepest gratitude for my loving relationships, and I encourage you to develop your own beautiful, life enriching relationships.
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~Mahatma Gandhi